“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy. ” “You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.” ― Dr Wayne W. Dyer
Have you ever felt like someone else’s actions were the cause of your reaction? You hurt my feelings therefore I am feeling down the whole day. Sound familiar? Throughout my life, it was just like this. Even currently, because as you know, no one is perfect. It feels good to blame others. No one wants to feel at fault and it is a mature and wise choice to apologize sincerely without the mindset of apologizing just so the other person can let it go. But the simple truth is, blaming only looks at one side, one perspective and one view. Your happiness, tears, frustration, anger.. this is all your emotions that YOU have let someone else take responsibility of. Whatever it is that is bothering you at the moment, is mostly something about yourself. If you do not like something that someone says, question yourself.
Why does this bother me? Why does if feel like a stabbing feeling in my gut core? or if you want to get even more creative with it, ask yourself “Do I believe what they are saying about me?” You know back in the day when kids would pick on someone’s shes or clothes and that would make the child cry? Why did the child cry? Because of the simple truth that the child believed what was said. And probably somewhat of embarrassment that came along with it. No one wants to feel like they are not good enough. Even if you do not like a few things about yourself, you still want to feel important and loved just the way that you are. What is to learn about this simple truth is.. whatever makes you unhappy and cause your peace to astray, is because you are CHOOSING to be unhappy and giving away your peace. Blaming others do not change the unhappiness.
Acknowledge that your happiness, your trust, your love, your tears, your peace… is all in your hands. YOU ARE A POWERFUL PERSON. Too powerful to let others take that away from you. Recognize your power and when you feel yourself giving it away, snatch it back by taking a deep breath and saying to yourself “This hurt me. I can tell them that it hurt me but it is my responsibility to know why it hurt to understand myself better so that I can work toward making sure this does not happen again.” Trust, I have learned this the hard way. But you will not regret it. As always, I love you and please be gentle with yourself.